Letting Go

It was a windy cold day in January when we said goodbye. The ground was hard and covered with snow, I've always enjoyed that type of day in Ohio, but this one in particular the wind bit through your wears. As we gathered around my Grandfathers final resting place and witnessed first hand the firing of guns in salute to a fallen comrade, I wondered would this moment be felt for all time. I suppose it was the finallity of the situation, or maybe it was the look everyone had as they blankly stared back at one another. If you stared too long at one person and they saw you then the emotion of saying goodbye would overcome you. So it was easier to just scan the area and hold it in, asking yourself if you remembered that person across the way or was that the person you'd spoken to but not really known for all those years. For me most of the time was spent looking at all my Grandfathers children there saying in their own private thoughts goodbye to their Father, indeed watching my Mother was most gut rentching. As the ceremony proceded and came to an end, I soon found the greatest heartache was seeing a spouse saying goodbye to apart of herself, they'd been together for 59 years.

The night before his funeral I was up late preparing a few words, I'd been asked to do so days before we arrived in Ohio, but I'd waited till that night to start. I wanted to be there and feel those memories there In Ohio that had brought me up all my years as a child and now a Father. I read scriptures, I even thought of using some good musical lyrics to get my point across. Now matter how I wanted to begin, all I could think of was how it would end. For the last five months or so My Grandparents spent most of their time in an old folks home just down from their own home, as it turned out they would not return to that place we'd last seen them and shared laughter. That must be hard to know you are so close but physically are unable to be where you mind and spirit already are. An all to familiar end was approaching, when the body just sleeps and not eats it is only a matter of time, and we all knew it...though it wasn't any easier when he passed. But before he did, he did something that to this day is all I could focus on that night and even now. I guess he knew and called for my Grandmother, holding her hand and looking in her eyes and recalling 59 glorious years together, he smiled. He said to her " I love you and you gotta take care of yourself, you gotta eat." He then smiled, held her hand and was gone. That very thought of the two of them together, alone in a room having that moment is what the focus of my thoughts that evening before and that day thereof consisted of. Those memories never fade, its probably then I feel the loss so powerfully.

My two year old Daughter was going through a photo frame and came across my Grandfathers picture and the poster of his Obituary, she asked who's that man. I said to her thats your Great-Grandfather. I asked her to be careful with this treasured item, as she asked to hold it and we looked at it together. I read to her a passage that I wish I could give credit to its author, and told her remember "Grandpa" you met him before. I smiled and and looked at her as though I had failed her by not giving her the chance to have known him, she after all wasn't even a year old when they met. I then felt overcome having failed him, I wonder if he even knew who I was introducing him to at the time of our last gathering. He was bedridden by then and I carried him to his bed ,unknowingly it would be the last time I'd see, or hug him...can't say I appreciated that moment as I do now. I excused myself to get her some water, I didn't want her to see my eyes watering and ask why...not ready to explain that to my little girl.

Which in a round about way brings me to that night prior to his burial. I could relay what was said and written by me and others that day, its still very vivid even now. But I want to put you in the room, were two kindred spirits became one...as I said before I give credit to whomever wrote this and my thanks for allowing me to use it and most of all my enduring love for the message that conveys the thoughts of those final moments:

MAY I GO NOW?

May I go? May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain filled days and endless lonely nights?

I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond and set my spirit free?

I didn't want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and loving light.

I want to go. I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day,

To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and so afraid, because I see your tears.

I'll not be far, I promise that,
and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you,
wherever you may go.

Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too.
That's why it's hard to say good-bye and end this life with you.

So hold me now, just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today.


In Loving Memory

Herbert H. Ochier Sr. 11-18-1917 ~ 1-20-2007

Lessons yet learned?

Once again our American brethren have been tested, and I hope we do not fail them. While it may not be katrina, it in some ways may be worse. Our midwestern folks are in trouble and its affect will soon trickle down to all of us in different forms such as higher prices on agricultural goods, and yet again higher fuel costs. I like you didn't recall hearing an all points bulletin call for all hands on deck. Not having yet full details of heroism, I know that there were brave men and women risking their lives to protect property and lives. I know that even now there is no end to this nightmare, the waters in some places have yet to crest, and that is most dangerous. Lessons learned through Katrina I hope will pull them through, but I still haven't heard anything we didn't hear then...empty promises once the cameras go away. Its all news until something else comes along to take its place. The focus will be there for sometime, the devestation is yet to be determined. But when the news people pack up and leave, what will they leave behind. Will it be a determined government providing all the help required, will it be the triumph of a few, or for some the loss of all humanly possible. We have a chance at greatness in the face of futility, please make the most of it...have we learned from our prior transgressions, that remaines to be seen!! Over the next few weeks I hope to continue to follow this story and learn more about what took place and what is needed to help, I hope you too will do the same.

"PING"... cinderella for another day?

As I watch the NCAA CWS on ESPN I cannot help but hope that we all have enjoyed the showcase of talent from all teams. Every outing has been purely exciting, especially from an offensive standpoint. Yeah like most of you my teams are not in it, or not playing for the championship. However for the baseball purist you get to watch teams compete for not money but for the right to be a champion. When all is lost and you think a team is down and out they have suprised all by having real late inning comebacks. Though enjoyable it brings me to my thought of the day, where the heck has the pitching gone?

I'm not complaining mind you, after all it has been quite interesting to say the least. But when a team has the other on the ropes and all it takes is an out or two, how does a team mount a comeback and do so without recording an out. I've watched and yelled at the television, all the while wondering why haven't we seen the pitching coach much less the head coach calling for another relief pitcher. It amazes me to see a guy on the mound give up four runs without an out and no one visits the mound to settle him down, give him some time to breath, or I don't know maybe pull his butt out of there!I don't care if its your best guy or not, this is not a seven game series, you only get two chances and if you lose the first...huh it ain't gonna be easy. For instance the Georgia vs Fresno State game last night is a prime example of the coach waiting too long to do anything, before you know it his team went from being up to being down and one loss away from total destruction. I'm afraid to ask where his mind was, but hey I guess that is why he gets paid and I don't to watch a blow out take place, I believe it was a .."PING"... grandslam that did them in. That "Ping" sound is one of the most recognizable in all of sports, it means look out a bullet is on its way or look up in the sky , that baby's gonna go for miles!

Folks you aren't gonna believe this but I'm seeing it happen again. Fresno was up 15-6 in the top of the seventh and now bases are loaded and now they are up 15 -10 ...I know at this level the hitting is keen but why can't a guy pitch his way out of a jam without giving up five runs before recording an out. I always thought the idea at Omaha was to leave nothing on the table 'cause if you do, you'll be home long before the final out is posted. I do hope that Fresno can hold on to give us one more entertaining outing tommorrow, and believe you me I mean just that too... hold on for dear life.

The late Tim Russert

I was on my way to bed when flicking channels I came across the eulogy given by the late Tim Russerts son. I did not know him other than what was displayed on television and the likes. But listening to a son eulogize a Father in such a loving way and understanding how difficult it is to do so for a loved one. I was touched that he could do it in a manner fitting such a tribute but yet still giving it the emotion that I can only imagine would have made his Father proud. I know that from all account the family was pretty close and Tim Russert was well respected in his field, so many of our loved ones have gone on and they were not forgotton especially this past weekend. For all those Sons and Fathers who have only the memories to hold onto, keep them daily in your hearts because daily you pay homage to their lives and they are always proud you were their Son or Father. I am lucky to still have my Dad with me, and maybe later I'll be able to tell him I'm proud to have such an influence in my life, and most of all ....thanks!!

We call that turbulance.

If you could close your eyes with me for just a moment, try and recall your last vacation. Was it hanging out at the beach, could it have been shopping in New York , maybe high rolling in Vegas. Or for the lucky ones perhaps it was closer, may a few hours drive having Grandmas potatoe salad, homemade peach cobbler and fresh made lemonade. Please keep them closed, we're not quite home yet. Back then your biggest complaint was that you couldn't see all the attractions you wanted due to a lack of hours in a day. Heck sometimes it was because there wasn't enough room in the suitcase or car to bring back all you picked up on vacation. Are you still relaxed, can you hear the waves breaking and smell that cool crisp ocean breeze??

BAM BAM BAM....wake up fool, those days are as gone as your old high school waist line, only to be seen in black and white pictures which are too fuzzy to be in color. We are in a crisiss mode and the only way out is to pay the piper, at least that is what the Airlines are telling us. I cannot believe that they have the gall to charge for services not rendered. They want me to pay to check my luggage and then hope it lands with me and not in Tokyo. How about they let me pay an amount that reflects how soon my flight took off, or in some cases how many days it took to leave the airport. They tell me to get to the airport at least two hours prior to take off, then when I run like the law chasing a bank robber to make my gate I find my flight delayed or my seat given to someone else. You can imagine the response, sorry there's nothing I can do, or we can get you on another flight going nowhere and for this much more money. I have heard now those little perks such as peanuts, pretzels and half a soda are being taken away, but if you want to pay a fee you can get ice with that water. I know that all things are going up and they too are losing money, but how do they expect the average joe to pay the extras when all he is trying to do is get home to see that someone special, maybe for the last time.

Now that I brought you home from your vision of long lost vacations, how are you planning this years adventure. Will it be staying home and sharing the cost by buying that special someone a ticket and not the whole families airfare. Might you just go as far as a tank of gas will take you, I'm sure there are things locally to experience. What about joint family vacations with close friends. No matter how you try to get around the idea of saving money there are those out there thinking of ways to get into your wallet, ways of telling you how much its hurting the company and not just the indiviuals. You see its not just the travelers hurting , its the employees of big business that are too being punished. If we choose to stay home, will that hourly wage employee be able to not only retain his job, but pay the bills. If he can't pay then it puts a financial bind on the next joe blow, and finally the plant shuts down 'cause the factory can't sell what it cannot afford to make. I'm not sure the big picture is being seen here, if solutions are not soon forth then the damages may be irreversable.

So the next time the Captain thanks you for flying their Airline, thank him on a job well done. Keep in mind the whole time you were in the air the gas near empty light was on, and that so called turbulance was him shaking every ounce of fuel out of that bird to keep the air conditioner on too...Happy flying and I hope you vacation smart and with patience, lots and lots of patience.

KABOOM!!... courtesy flush please!!

As though the outcome were in doubt, I will concede that the better team is going to win the NBA Championship and it won't be the Lakers. The Celtics are humiliating the Lakers and that is putting it nicely. I really thought the effort tonight was going to be there, Heck I would settle for a lack luster effort 'cause that would be a better showing than this, please call of the dogs!!


I know that when the series began many, including I thought that the momentum from the Western Conference series could spill over into the Finals for the Lakers, no one thought based on the Celtics previous inability to win on the road would not favor the Lakers. I guess someone woke the beast from the East. Although I would have liked a different outcome, at least these Celtics I can live with as the new Champion, there are a few of them I actually do like.

In the begining I called this the resuming of an old traditon, it just hasn't had that same flare. I didn't feel the same as before whenever these two franchises would meet in the Finals. I know its a different decade, but I sure was hoping to get some of that passion from a long time ago. Maybe all could be contibuted to the fact that neither team is playing in its respective old stadiums? Perhaps if we were in the old Forum some of the old "show time" would have shown through. And speaking of "show time", why did the league not give us some of those old greats from both sides more air time. I recall seeing a few, but why miss an opportunity to bridge yesterday with today from a fans perspective? It wouldn't have been that hard to gather them together, shoot maybe they could have played a halftime show.

I am watching the final moments and hearing the crowd chant certain things that only sting when your team is the one falling short, I nonetheless don't like it. I'm a sore loser and know that if they were the ones losing that I would feel pretty good about my crowd going nuts. Its just hard to hear them with darn near ten minutes left to play, now that is ridiculous. With about forty seconds left the Lakers are down by forty points.......WOW!!!!

Congratulations to the Boston Celtics, they deserve to win and they earned it as all Champions do.

Our other journey

Remember the phrase "Space, the final frontier...to go where no man has gone before." Yeah cheesey I know, and also from the Star Trek movies, but still it meant something. I can recall the days when the Space program had everyones attention. how many of you know that today the shuttle landed and did so safely, does anyone care? I can recall as a child growing up in the 1980's whenever the shuttle launched we saw it on television. It didn't matter if you were in school or at home each channel broadcast its launch. When is the last time you saw its glorious take off and understood what you were witnessing. Just as I figured, most only remember when tradgedy happens. All are watching then and focus only on the failures of the space program.

I remember being home watching the space shuttle Challenger when it launched and seeing a horrific sight. For most of us we can recall trying to grasp what had happened and with the world mourning the loss of lives that day one will never forget. Was it becomeing to conventional that we stopped caring. Maybe the focus towards the stars became more like a movie, we could catch it whenever and didn't really have to see it to believe it. I as a child was very passionate about our solar system, knowing that there are things to discover and explore so far off that it would take light years to get to if just fascinating. Are you not compelled as well as I to know more about our past and our space future as those brave men and women of NASA who go where no man has gone before? Its more than just landing on the Moon, its about what those pioneers never thought possible. One day to travel from the Earth to say Mars is a feat that will truely happen, can you not imagine what lies before us at this time. It may not happen tommorrow, it might not for decades to come. But when it does will you be watching, or will you wait for dispare. I recently watched the movie Apollo 13 again and that is a prime example of how nobody cares until something newsworthy happens. Were it not for near tradgedy then America would have just considered another voyage to space and nothing more. however it became nail biting drama when lives were at stake, sound familiar?

Look I know it is a very costly journey, and like most other governmental agencies the cost is over inflated. That cost could go towards the research for vaious diseases, and other more engaging needs. But we must not deter from learning more about the heavens and the safe return of our Astronuats. The solar system is a vast array of planets and stars we may never be able to reach, never be able to comprehend the how and the why they exist. But only in the exploration of this system will we be able to know more of its affect on our own planet, and the possible solutions plagued over centuries that still haven't been identified.

So the next time a shuttle is launched please take the time to appreciate where its going and where its been. Allow yourself to feel the amazment as they space walk outside with the blackness of space as their background. Allow yourself the sense of pride in knowing how far man has come and how dangerous this feat actually is. And finally, find out the next time a shuttle will launch and land, the view from above must be inspiring and the grace at which it descends to Earth is as beautiful as the colors of the rings of Saturn......it really does mean something when you open your minds to the universe.